It’s George Carlin’s Fault
By Roger Arsht
December 6, 2020
It was a particularly cold and snowy morning in Park City when Dan Kotler sat down at Pete’s Coffee Shop and waited for his friend Joanne Bloom. Dan saw Joanne arguing with a woman outside the front door. Upon entering the shop, she and one of the women were still exchanging harsh words. Joanne turned to sit with Dan and the second woman walked to the other end of the store to join her group.
“What’s that all about?” Dan asked. “I heard you quarrelling.”
“She was quarreling.”
“About what?”
“There's a patch of ice in front of the door.” Joanne pointed toward the front of the store. “I was holding the door for that woman when she goes off.”
“Goes off?”
“She starts ranting to her friends that she could have broken her neck if she had slipped on the ice.”
“Did she?”
“That’s my point. People shouldn't create drama until whatever they think might happen has happened. They shouldn't complain about something that didn’t happen.”
“By that logic, people shouldn’t complain about almost getting hit by a taxi in New York City if they had stepped off the curb,” Dan said with a wry smile.
“Or complain that they might have been killed because they flew on a plane that crashed two weeks after they were on the same flight.”
“Or complain that they ate at a restaurant that was cited for health violations months after they have eaten there, enjoyed their meal, and didn’t get sick.” Dan paused for a moment. “This isn’t like you,” Dan said pensively. “Where is this coming from?”
“We were at services on Friday night, and the people sitting behind me thought the Rabbi’s sermon was going to be political.”
“Was it?”
“No, but you should have heard them whispering in the pew behind me. If the Rabbi says that the peace accords with Bahrain and U.A.E. were a good idea, then I’m quitting this Temple. I don’t come here to be told what to think. If this temple thinks it’s getting my money when the Rabbi shares his opinions….' They went on and on.”
“We are a divided country on just about every subject.” Dan paused for a moment. “Do you think those same people would have been offended if he stated an opinion they agreed with. What if he had said that our government needs to go back to the agreement with the Iranians and that’s what the people behind you in the pews believe?”
“My guess is that they would have considered that a fact that isn’t open to conjecture, hence it isn’t offensive to them.”
“How the hell did we get to the point where no one is willing to listen to anyone else’s thoughts?” Dan asked.
Joanne took a sip of her coffee before answering. “It’s George Carlin’s fault. He used to say that anyone who drives faster than you is a maniac and anyone who drives slower than you is an idiot. In other words, there is no middle ground.”
“I loved George Carlin.” Dan chuckled quietly. "Do you think he’s right?”
She nods as she said, “For instance, I used to think that someone who spent three hundred thousand dollars on a Maserati was a maniac because I drive a perfectly good Lexus that’s less than a third of the price.”
“And the one who drove a Ford Fiesta is insane.” Dan completed the thread.
“Yes. Not because it was inexpensive. Because the car was light and provided little protection in the event of an accident. I’d never let my children drive a car like that,” Joanne said firmly.
“So it’s more than just the price of things or how fast you drive. It’s also a question of safety?”
“I think you have a point, Dan. Everything in our world has been elevated through rhetoric to be a question of life or death.”
“Like the woman who could have slipped on the ice.” Dan added.
“Exactly. The idea of slipping on the ice is elevated by the woman through her rhetoric to the point that her life and limb might be in jeopardy. The ice, however common and avoidable, therefore becomes a profound event,” Joanne finished.
“No one wants to get sucked up in the invisible void,” Dan said solemnly.
“What’s that? Joanne asked.
“Everyone wants to be significant. No one wants to be invisible. I remember how Tommy and I used to stand in front of the temple on the High Holy Days and shake everyone’s hand when they arrived. We wanted them to feel appreciated and welcome.”
“You were an influencer.”
“A what? Dan asked.
“They are people who use products or services and tell their followers on social media that they should use them. They get paid a lot of money.”
“People get paid for that. I do that whether I’m on social media or not because it’s a nice thing to do. I should be worth hundreds of millions.”
“Yes, you should,” Joanne agrees.
“Then I think you owe that woman an apology, maybe a cup of coffee.” Dan said with a chuckle. “She influenced you to not step on a patch of ice and break your neck.”
“But I didn’t need her to tell me not to step on the ice.”
“Maybe you might have missed it if she hadn't spoke up.”
“Next you’re going to tell me that I need to encourage people like the ones sitting behind in services to try and consider difficult subjects from different perspectives so that were not all maniacs or idiots.”
“Remember that Carlin also said that ‘fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.”
“What does that have to do with what we’re talking about?” Joanne asked.
“Nothing.” Dan added with a laugh. “It’s the only George Carlin quote I could remember.”