Chapter 14: Orphaned
Kaybri wept from the time they left the farm until they reached the Stevenses’ home. Every few miles, she’d erupt in anger and slam the steering wheel with her hands. Frank and Dorothy who were sitting next to her worried if they would all make it safely home.
When they got to the house, Frank excused himself and went to bed. Dorothy told Noah to go to the shed behind the house, saying the hatchets needed sharpening, and he took what seemed to be his cue without protest.
Dorothy put the kettle on for tea and placed a piece of Elizabeth’s pie on the dining room table. “Please stay for a bit and have your pie, Kaybri. This type of tea is very soothing.”
Kaybri sat down and sipped the tea but refused to touch the pie. She didn’t say a word. She was afraid she would say something that would offend Dorothy. She couldn’t understand how any of them had been able to tolerate the profound abuse the dogs had suffered for all of these years.
“I understand your anger, Kaybri. You care very much about dogs. But it feels like it’s personal.”
Kaybri slammed her fist on the table, making the tea spill out of the cup. “You’re damn right, it’s personal. These dogs are treated like objects, not like people with feelings. I mean living beings with feelings.”
“Like you? Is that how you were treated? Like an object?”
Kaybri rolled her eyes. “Like a defective object.”
“At the group home? Tell me what you mean.”
Kaybri didn’t like all of this prying and then the inevitable psychobabble.
“It’s not important. I’m not important. It’s the dogs who are important.”
“Why aren’t you important?”
“Because I’m defective. I’m not lovable. But the dogs are lovable.”
“I think you’re lovable. Noah thinks so too.”
“Noah loves that I take good care of the dogs. It’s not about me as a person. There’s something wrong with me, and everyone knows it. So don’t pretend otherwise.”
Feeling feisty, she finally took a bite of the pie. It was delicious. So delicious, it brought tears to her eyes, and she started to cry all over again while angrily pushing the plate away from her.
Dorothy put a soothing hand on her head. “It’s okay, darling. You’re such a good person. Why do you think others see something wrong with you?”
She suddenly felt the need to open up. “It took a year for them to find a family willing to foster me and consider adoption. I had just turned seven. But the people returned me a few months later. They didn’t feel I was the right child for them.”
“Why would they do that? I’ve never heard of such a thing.”
“I guess I was kind of a brat. I probably made them feel bad. I didn’t bring them joy, like a child is supposed to.”
“Why were you a brat? Didn’t you like them?” Dorothy caressed her hair.
“They were strangers to me, and I couldn’t accept the idea that my mother was gone. I wanted her to come back. I never accepted that she had just abandoned me. I thought she’d get herself better and come find me. I truly believed she would walk through the door one day.”
“Still, I can’t believe a family did that to you.”
“Not just one family.”
“How many times where you placed?”
“Three, before the staff stopped trying.”
“What did you do to alienate all of these adopters?”
Kaybri rolled her eyes. “You’ve been seeing the good version of me. Imagine what I was like as an adolescent.”
“Enough said. Did you form bonds with the staff at this place?”
“Not really. The social workers tended to cycle through. And they were pretty overworked. Fortunately for me, the group home had a collection of stray dogs and cats and a couple of service animals. The staff assigned me to clean the litter boxes and taking care of the animals. Those chores kept me busy for hours, especially when it came to walking the dogs. On the weekends, I’d leave early in the morning with the dogs and walk to the ocean and along the cliffs.”
“Which meant you weren’t around when people came who wanted to adopt?”
“It was a solution of sorts. The staff didn’t have to invest time in me, and I couldn’t be surly with the adopters.”
“I think I get it. Those dogs and cats were like family to you.”
Kaybri buried her head in Dorothy’s shoulder and continued. “Yes, they were my entire world, especially this one dog named Marshmallow. I felt like I had to be there to take care of all of these animals. It made it hard for me to think about leaving the place.”
“What happened when you eventually did?”
“When I graduated high school, the staff decided it was time for me to go. I had a scholarship that included a stipend for living expenses. They helped me find an apartment that was walking distance from a community college, but I wouldn’t leave the home because of the animals. The staff took the animals to a shelter. They said it was a ‘no kill’ shelter and that I shouldn’t worry about their care. They explained that the shelters took better care of the pets than I did. I didn’t believe them, but they wouldn’t tell me where they took them. Removing the dogs and cats had nothing to do with the animals. By taking my friends away, the staff were able to get me to leave and start a life away from the home.”
“Your story is incredibly sad. If you don’t mind me asking, what about your name? It’s unusual. Also, Kaybri Lynn is not the name on the contract you signed. You crossed out Esther Chalk.”
Kaybri could no longer control her sobs. “The families who fostered me swore they wouldn’t change my name. But none of them liked my given name, Esther. The families had different names in mind. The families called me Kay, Brianna, and Lynn.”
Dorothy shook her head. “We’ll call you Kaybri Lynn for as long as you want us to,” she said as she pulled Kaybri into an embrace. "You’re incredibly insightful. Today is a time for new beginnings. Being angry is part of the healing process. It will take time, but you need to work the past out of your system. Monday will be another difficult day. I expect that you will be angry. Noah and Frank will keep an eye on you. They don’t want you to do anything that would cause Thomas Stoltzfus to change his mind.”
Kaybri pulled back from Dorothy. “New beginnings?”
“This is what Noah was going to tell you on the drive home. You understandably weren’t prepared to listen to anyone after what you saw in the barn. On Monday, you, Noah, and Frank will change how the Stoltzfus Farm breeds dogs. Hopefully, other farmers will follow Thomas’s lead. Never forget that what Thomas is proposing is difficult for him. He’s challenging the ways things have been done for generations in the Amish community.”
“It’s about time.”
“Try to put yourself in other people’s shoes. He’s risking being shunned or excommunicated by his community.”
Kaybri started to interrupt, but Dorothy wouldn’t allow it. “Which means being severed from his life, his religion, and his family. He will be abandoned, in a way, by the community that defines his life just like you were abandoned by your mother and separated from the life you knew at the home.
“I hadn’t thought of it that way.”
“I know.”
“Can I say goodnight to Noah?”
“He’s out back.”
Noah was sitting on a bench when Kaybri approached him. He took off his jacket and draped it over her shoulders. Kaybri snuggled next to him. “Why do you think he’s doing this? Is it atonement for how he kept the dogs?”
Kaybri had learned that Noah would never answer quickly. This moment was no exception. They listened to the chirping of the insects and the hooting of an owl for ten minutes before Noah turned an earnest face to Kaybri. “My father is sick. He wants me to take over the farm. He knows I won’t come back unless he makes changes.”
“What about your brothers and sisters?”
“I’m the firstborn. It’s my birthright and his wish.”
“And you’d need to become Amish again.”
“It’s not that simple, but yes.”
“Oh. Wow. Is that what you want? You told me you’d never go back.”
He took her hands in his. “I haven’t made any decisions. I’m going to focus on what needs to be done on Monday. It’s possible my father will change his mind about wanting me to come home. He’s fragile. He could still change his mind about any of this.”
He squeezed her hands and kissed her forehead. “I want to make this work…for the sake of the dogs. Not just on our farm but on all of the farms breeding dogs in inhumane conditions. If we can set the right kind of example, without angering the Amish community too much, it could be a very good thing.”
They held each other tight, as Kaybri tried to imagine Noah as an Amish farmer wearing suspenders and a wide-brimmed hat and fathering ten children. She was just starting to fall in love with him, and now it felt like she might be losing him. But it was for something important.
“Kaybri, you’re so strong. There’s no one I’d like on my side more than you.”
“Hmm, well, I hope the Amish girl they make you marry will be on your side.”
“I can’t imagine being with anyone but you.”
“I’m not sure where that leaves us, my friend.”
“Friends, schmends!” He kissed her tenderly, then more passionately. She responded in kind.
But before things could get out of hand, Kaybri decided it was time for her to go home and get ready for what promised to be a terrible day.