Gloom

By Roger Arsht

Read previous episodes here.

     The deck of Secrets Kept was barely lit when it eased into port. Annie thought the man leaning against the rails might be Richard, but he was hunched over with his head bowed as if it were too heavy to hold upright. The only feature that identified the man as Richard were his eyes. Richard’s green eyes shined whether there was good light or bad. 

     It appeared like a gloom had settled over Secrets Kept as if it were in mourning. Maybe it was the time of night, but it seemed like the yacht had ushered in a cold sea mist that clung to Annie and Alex’s clothing and made them shiver, but not to Captain Ed. He seemed unaffected as he took charge of the mooring ropes, collision bumpers, and ramp with the same professionalism he always displayed.  

     Once Ed gave the signal that it was safe to board, Alex walked swiftly to his brother’s side and embraced him for a full minute before releasing him. He then gestured for Annie to follow his lead. While she hugged him, Richard’s arms never raised and his forehead rested on her shoulder. Ed approached Richard from behind and shifted the man from Annie’s arms so that he could support and lead the man to his stateroom. 

     “I think that’s enough for tonight.” Ed said sternly looking over his shoulder at Annie. “Cathy will escort you to your room. Drinks will be served in the salon or on deck when you’ve unpacked. Alex will be your host this evening.” 

     Richard put his hand on Ed’s arm and whispered a few words in his ear. Ed, in turn, shared his words with Annie. “Richard thanks you for coming. He wishes he were in better spirits. He’s hopeful tomorrow will be a better day.” Then two men disappeared into the salon and then down the steps to the lower level.  

     Cathy greeted Annie as if nothing were amiss. “Welcome back. It’s good to see you. Let me help you with your bag.” 

     “I’ve got it,” Annie said testily. “I’m sorry. This is unsettling.”  

     Cathy knew it would be disingenuous to pretend like nothing was wrong. “Richard has had better days. Nothing we haven’t seen before. Ed is Richard’s primary caregiver when he’s like this.” 

     The two women stopped in the salon. Cathy could see that Annie had questions that needed to be answered. “Why don’t we sit for a moment?” 

     “I’d prefer to stand,” Annie paced nervously. “Why am I here? He needs a doctor or a hospital.” 

     “Secrets Kept has all of the medical equipment and support that Richard requires.” 

     “I know you have a professional role to maintain and I respect that. Could you be a little less officious?” 

     “No,” Cathy said sternly. “We have been caring for Richard for years. I think we know more about his condition than you do.” 

     Annie picked up her bag and started to walk to her room when Cathy touched her arm. “I’m sorry. That was rude. I don’t think you understand. Tonight is unique. Richard has never asked Alex to host one of his guests.” Cathy could see that the word guest rubbed Annie the wrong way. “Please. Sometimes it’s hard to find the right words when we are all dealing with an extraordinarily demanding situation. What I’m trying to say is that Richard has never invited anyone to the yacht during an episode. You’re the first.” 

     Annie was frozen in place. She had started to realize that everyone was speaking a different language than she was. Earlier, Alex had told her that she was the ‘last’ and now Cathy had referred to her as the ‘first.’ Cathy started to walk to the stairs when Annie called her name. “Yes?” Cathy answered. 

     “What do you think it means that he wants me to be here?” 

     “I‘m not sure,” Cathy said with a smile. “I think it bodes improvement. I think by not cancelling your invitation and his bringing the yacht into port to receive you is a positive development. Other times when he has had an unexpected episode, he has stayed at sea and sent the woman home with little fanfare. Sending Alex to meet you is unusual.”  

     Cathy left, and Annie changed into her pajamas, bathrobe, and slippers. Alex was waiting for her on deck.  

     Alex was tired and more than a little drunk. Not waiting for Annie to ask, he finished telling more of the story he had begun at dinner in a more slurred version. “It was supposed to be a wonderful week. We were releasing Richard’s new novel. I thought we had it timed correctly. Richard’s last episode ended last Wednesday. We usually have ten days between blue periods which meant that we could release the book, attend cocktail parties, do a few radio interviews, and record some podcasts.” 

     “What happened?” 

     “A reporter for The New Yorker looked enough like Kimberley to trigger Richard. She came to the office for an interview. We thought we had made it clear that she needed to confine her questions to the book. She wanted to make connections between what happened to Kimberley and the characters in the new book. I don’t think it was malicious. They were legitimate questions.” 

     “What is the book about? What’s it called?” Annie asked a little sheepishly. Alex rolled his eyes. “I didn’t know Bertie was Richard Sandman. If I did, I would have read his books.” 

     “It’s the second book of a trilogy. The first book was called Beggar’s Choice. It’s about a man who didn’t know the true nature of the woman he married. My brother, when he was young, saw life in idyllic terms. He was never exposed to hardships or tragedies. He went to Penn and then Wharton. He met Kimberley when they were undergraduates. They were a dream couple. They were smart, attractive, and stylish. They got married and started building a privileged life because of what he was earning as a developer. It was all too perfect.” 

     “How can something be too perfect?” Annie asked. 

     “It all came too easily to Richard. He was living a fantasy. He had money, he had people who he thought were their friends, and he had Kimberley. It was if he was sleepwalking. Everything fell in his lap.” 

     “You told me what happened when the storm hit, and Kimberley sought to save Wheels. What was Kimberley like?” Annie urged. 

     “She was kind, patient, and selfless. She loved life and she loved Richard when he was happy which was half the time even then. He was prone to getting sad. Nothing as debilitating as what you saw today. When Wheels and Kimberley died, Richard’s fantasy world ruptured. He realized that he didn’t know how tragic life can be. He closed his development company and began writing. He found that the process of putting words to paper allowed him to sort out his feelings. Unfortunately, he does his best writing when he’s at his worst. I know it sounds illogical, but he’s probably knocked out thirty or forty pages of beautiful, dark prose while we were at sea.” 

     Annie stood.  

     “Where are you going?” Alex asked. 

     “I’m going to my stateroom so I can download his books. I think…I know I’ll be up late tonight.”